Austria's Rant
by Fiastata
Summary: Hungary breaks up with Austria. AusHun and PruHun. Rated T for drunk Austria X3


Hungary collapsed into the bar seat where Poland and Japan were waiting for her. "About time, Eliza! What, like, took you so long? We've been waiting here for like, half an hour!" Poland said, flipping his beautiful blonde hair in an annoyed but still somewhat girly sort of way. "Do not brame her, Ferixs, I'm sure she has a perfectry good expranation." Japan said, ever reasonable, but looking a little annoyed still. "I'm sorry you guys, I just broke up with Austria…" Hungary said. "YOU WHAAAT?!" Poland cried as he swung Hungary around by the shoulders to face him. "Like, OMG, like, FINALLY you decided to, like, break up with that prissy stuck-up loser! You go girl!" Poland high-fived Hungary while Japan ordered their drinks. "So. like, spill! How'd it go down?" Poland asked excitedly, resting his chin on his hand. Hungary explained "Well, this afternoon I was cleaning and he was playing the piano as usual, when something inside me just snapped and I went berserk on him!" Poland whooped while giving Hungary another high five. "I was screaming and throwing various objects at him, I broke all of his vases and good furniture, I ate all of his cake, I threw his embroidery set out the window, I dragged toilet paper through the entire house, I clogged all of his bathrooms, I stole all of his clothing except for the orange cat ears that I bought for him, I broke all of his picture frames, I drew yaoi on all of his legal documents, I slashed all of his paintings with my sword and I practically _demolished _his piano. In short, I did exactly what you said I should do, Felix, if I ever got sick of him." Hungary ended with a satisfied sigh, while Japan stared at her with a horrified face and Poland dabbed away tears from his eyes. "That's my girl! I'm, like, so proud to call you my bestie!"

"So…how did he take it?" Japan asked. "He actually didn't try to stop me that much when I was destroying his furniture and screaming, but when I touched his piano he started sobbing and crying and begging _on his knees _for me to stop! He was hysterical, just blubbering and sobbing, but I didn't finish until every last piece of his piano was dust!" Hungary said, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "Last time I saw him, I was walkingout the door, and he was sobbing over the remains of his precious piano, trying to put it back together and play it like the weak and useless priss he is." Poland tackle-hugged Hungary. "I, like, love you so much right now! I could literally like, marry you right now!" Poland cried as he and Hungary jumped up and down together in glee. Japan just watched emotionlessly and drank his sake in his emotionless way that is emotionless.

When they were done, Poland asked Hungary "So like, what now? You like, totally need a rebound from that priss!" Hungary sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "I don't know, I just don't want to be married again…" Then Poland leaned over Hungary's shoulder and muttered in her ear "Don't look now, Eliza, but there's a really hot bachelor behind you and he keeps looking at you!" Naturally, Hungary took a quick glance behind her. France, Spain and a white-haired albino were sitting in the table behind her. The albino suddenly glanced her way and then back, blushing slightly as France and Spain laughed, obviously drunk because Spain was starting to slur and France was stripping. Felix was right, the albino was really hot. But he looked familiar in a way…who did he remind her of…"Oh my gosh!" Hungary exclaimed, and Poland and Japan looked over at her. "What happened? Did you see him? Isn't he like, totally hot?" Poland said. "Yes, that's Prussia!" Hungary said as she got up out of her seat to go talk to him. "Woah, hold up, Eliza!" Poland said, grabbing her hand and pulling her back down into her seat. Hungary stayed still for a minute while Poland and Japan fixed her hair and makeup. "Okay, go for it!" they said, and she did so.

"Um…Prussia? Gilbert?" Hungary said, and Prussia turned around in his seat. "Oh! Hi Elizabeta! I didn't know you were here!" he said with a cocky grin, and Poland laughed from the bar. Hungary laughed in hopefully a cute and charming way as she pulled up a chair at his table. Prussia's eyes scanned her, and Hungary made sure to hold his gaze as his eyes drew upward. Smirking, she touched his collar, just barely brushing the skin of his neck. "So, what brings you here tonight, Gil?" she asked. "Uh, France and Spain wanted to have my awesome presense here with them tonight, so I decided to reward them! With, you know, my awesomeness! Kesesesesese!~" Prussia laughed and Hungary took advantage of the distraction to glance at Felix. Felix immediately understood what she was asking him and holding a finger for _do exactly this, _took ahold of Japan's tie and pulled him towards him until his ear right next to Felix's lips. Whispering the words _something sexy _into them, he dragged a red-faced and uncomfortable-looking Japan by his tie all the way around the corner. Hungary, pinching her nose to keep the nosebleed back, understood, grateful that she had a sassy gay friend such as Felix.

Taking ahold and fingering Prussia's tie, she pulled him toward her until her lips were right by his ear. But before she could say anything…"YOU WHORE!" Hungary turned in horror at the man at the entrance of the bar. Oh god…"YOU WHORE! HOW COULD YOU JUST BREAK MY PIANO AND MY HEART LIKE THAT I TREATED YOU RIGHT YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!" "You broke his piano?" Prussia asked her, grinning. Hungary couldn't look away from her ex-husband, drunk and shirt un-tucked, waving his conductor stick everywhere. "I LOVED YOU AND I WAS SURE YOU LOVED ME! WE'RE SO FREAKING CANON! AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME?" By now everyone in the bar was staring at the Austrian. "AND YOU DESTROYED MY FURNITURE! SWEDEN CUSTOM MADE ALL OF IT! HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN WHY I NEED EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF FURNITURE REPLACED?! AND WHAT THE HECK IS THIS STUFF ON MY PAPERS I NEEDED THESE AND NOW IT JUST LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING DOUJINSHI!" "How does he know what a doujinshi is…" Japan muttered. "AND NOW MY EMBROIDERY SET IS ALL OVER THE LAWN AND YOU HAVE TO PICK THEM UP BECAUSE I NEED MY HANDS FOR PLAYING MY PIANO AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO RISK PRICKING THEM ON A NEEDLE!" "Like, you don't even have a piano anymore…" Poland said. "YOU BETTER GIVE ME MY CLOTHES BACK TOO, YOU MOTHERFUCKER WHY THE FUCK DID YOU THINK I FUCKING WANTED THAT ORANGE DOES NOT COMPLIMENT MY UBER SEXY HAIR AND I LOOK TERRIBLE IN ORANGE!" "You don't look that good in purple, either~" France mused. "PLUS IT WEIRDS ME OUT THAT YOU SNIFF MY CLOTHES! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T! I'VE. SEEN. YOU! AND YOU BETTER BUY ME MORE CAKE BECAUSE IT WAS POMPHY LE PHOM PHOM CAKE AND THAT WAS MY FAVORITE KIND AND YOU KNOW IT!" "What the heck is a pomphy le phom phom?~" Spain asked.

"I WILL NOW EXPRESS MY HEARTBROKEN-NESS THROUGH THE PIANO!" A random grand piano popped out of nowhere and Austria began to play a really sad song on it. "C'mon, let's just go you guys. He's just going to keep going on until he's done." Hungary said as she took Prussia's tie and walked out of the door. "Dude, like, totally, let's all like, party at Liet's place!" Poland said and everyone in the bar followed them out of the door. Austria kept on playing, undisturbed, until at the end of his piece he realized no one was saying anything. He turned around and was completely shocked when he realized there was no one else in the bar but him. "WHAT? NOW YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME AGAIN?! AFTER I WASTED AN ENTIRE PARAGRAPH FOR YOU YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME AGAIN?!" *cue sound of cars driving away* Austria sighed, out of breath and worn out as he sat at the very end of the bar and ordered another beer. Only him and one other person were left in the bar. "You put on a good show, mate." an English voice came from under the mysterious black cloak it was under. "I remember when I got dumped too…all because of a bloody glass of chocolate milk…" the Englishman laughed solemnly and drank the rest of the entire bottle of gin left in front of him. "C'mon. Cheers." he said, holding up his bottle. Austria looked at the dirty bottle. "Whatever for?" he asked distraughtly. The man thought for a moment. "For a good time while it last, I suppose." he said. Austria thought about that for a moment before clinking his beer bottle with his. "For good times." they said, and drank the rest of their bottles until they promptly passed out on the bar.

~the end~


End file.
